As I look back and reflect on this recent "health scare". One of the main things that I am very grateful for are my close friends who showered me with so much genuine love and care. Without them, this experience would have been a whole lot harder to stomach and to endure.
Even before knowing that I would need to undergo my recent PLDD surgery, I had a chance to spend quality time with a few close friends, as I expressed my inmost thoughts and revelations about where life was heading for me. The level of emotional intimacy that I could share with these friends is a treasure I will always cherish. What I didn't anticipate was how they (and some others) would later play such important roles in supporting me while I was in the hospital. To some extent, the recognition of how fragile life can be may well have prompted some of my relationships to deepen because we do not want to take our friendships, and our time together, for granted.
I recall a quote from the book, Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, "The truth is... once you learn how to die, you learn how to live." This statement makes sense to me. It is with me recognizing that life is fleeting - and to be honest, death is inevitable but I may be more attuned to it due to my health issues - that I am attempting to be more intentional and mindful with how I spend my days, and wanting to make memories with loved ones.
One thing I've learned - the topic of death and dying is not at all a pleasant conversation piece, but it is needed, especially when I am living with a non-curable and progressive disease - and by the looks of it, my body is just deteriorating as a whole as I accumulate different medical conditions. And to have friends who are willing to sit with this reality and to talk about it, even when it is painful, is a blessing.
Taking initiatives, taking the first step. This is an important pattern that kept popping up. For me, I needed to consider who to reach out to and to take the initiative to ask for help. To allow myself to be vulnerable. To be okay with the fact that I don't need to be the strong one and to recognize that I can't take care of myself all the time, as much as I've been trained to.
A friend had actually thanked me for asking her to take me to the hospital because it gave her the opportunity to show kindness and care to me, and that blew my mind.
Physical touch is a love language for me. A friend had reached out to hold and caress my hand when she saw that I was in agony. From the surface it may seem like a small gesture, but that provided me with so much comfort amidst the pain I experienced. I received much-needed heartfelt hugs too. I know we are meant to physically distance in this pandemic era, but again... these gestures made me feel loved.
Two friends naturally began to verbalize their love for me whenever we interacted and this too always helps me feel warm and fuzzy. Honestly, I wish I am brave enough to do this with a few more friends that mean a lot to me but I realize I tend to edit myself, as I am afraid of rejection or even causing a misunderstanding. But maybe it's time for me to take that initiative too, no? I don't want to regret not letting my loved ones know how I feel for them.
A small group of close friends, some of them were not mutual friends, mind you... decided to set up a whatsapp group to update each other about the progress of my condition. If this isn't initiative, I don't know what is.
I had friends who took the initiative to visit me when they could to provide me company and to check in on me. And they each provided their unique professional AND USEFUL expertise to weigh in on my healing and the personal care that I needed.
I had friends who generously offered to house me if I needed a quiet space to recuperate.
I had groups of friends and members of churches praying for me daily.
Honestly, I am still in awe at the lengths my friends went through to support me through my physical and emotional pain. The thoughtfulness conveyed. The effort they put in so that I won't feel so alone in this lonely journey of ill-health. These friends made me feel safe, and I knew I could rely on them, whether it be my physical or emotional needs. There may be people in my life that will let me down but I know for sure that I have a few others who play significant roles in my recuperation and well-being.
Being a chronically ill person sucks, there is no doubt about that. But having a community I can turn to and one that so readily journeys with me is a true blessing. It is really a God-given gift that helps me pull through.
At the end, having a strong support system has been imperative for me to cope these difficult times. And I just can't express my gratitude enough for them.
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