Gaslighting. definition: psychological manipulation of a person unsually over an extended period of time that causes the victim to question the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and typically leads to confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of one's emotional or mental stability, and a dependency on the perpetrator (Merriam-Webster, n.d.)
Gaslighting is a term that has been making its round in recent years. It dawned on me while I had a conversation with a friend that this happens medically too. And it has happened to me since childhood, and I've only put a name to it now.
Medical Gaslighting: definition: when a physician/other medical professional dismisses or trivializes a person's symptoms. They may mistakenly determine that pain or other symptoms are not real or simply a psychological (eg. stress/depression/anxiety). When this happens, it may take years, if ever, to receive a proper diagnosis. It can also cause an individual to doubt their own pain or sanity (Painscale, 2017).
So one may hear things like, "I can't find anything (ergo, you're imagining things)", "you may be a hypochondriac", "are you sure you are experiencing this?", etc. I've also had a doctor who retorted that I gave "textbook descriptions" of my symptoms.
Sadly, because of these professionals who choose to doubt one's experience, it impacts the perception of others/family about said person. It doesn't help when the illness is invisible or the choice is made to not "act" sick. In my experience, I tend to "act well" because I deny my own pain.
While I was hospitalized last month, I found myself doubting my difficulty to breathe and wondered if I was exaggerating ("do I really need to be in the hospital? Do I really need a bronchoscopy?"), and I realized how absurb those thoughts were, but only when the chest physician told me that my condition would have turned fatal if I chose to ignore it. A family member actually texted if she could return later instead of coming back as soon as possible to help at home (I've been sole caregiver of my parents for the last 2 years), asking, "is this urgent?"
So yes, I noticed the lack of empathy and urgency towards my state of deterioration from my family. And I realize this tends to lead me to question my own experience with pain and illness - am I blowing things out of proportion? Why are they not affected or showing concern that I've been hospitalized THREE times in year? Is it really a big deal?
Even now, I do still struggle with breathing at times. And I get questions from my family - "why are you sighing?" Err... because I can't breathe? Honestly, I'm not doing it to seek attention. I'd be more than happy to be healthy, instead of pushing myself to function. HONESTLY.
But I am aware now... gaslighting happens medically as well. For you out there who may need to read this, I hope you trust your own instincts and experience with your own body. It's easy for people to pass judgment and accusations when they aren't the ones who are going through it because they are basing it on their own experiences or ability to function, not ours as chronically ill individuals.
PainScale (2017) What is Medical Gaslighting?https://www.painscale.com/article/what-is-medical-gaslighting
Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Gaslighting. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved January 23, 2022, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/gaslighting
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