no time to be sick

I've been under a lot of stress for the past month or so. feeling like a mobilizer in many aspects of my life. The strain is starting to seep into me and affecting my head and body. My severe migraines have been returning, my aches and pains are back, and my chest pains have been more excruciating.

I need to slow down, but i'm just swamped with responsibilities. I really need to learn to say no. Already i've been saying no, but somehow I still end up with many things that occupy my time. 

Things have not been easy at home. But sometimes I feel I can't allow myself to rest or to just ignore the problems... it's like i have to put aside the fact that my body is screaming for restoration.. because i have to look into resolving family issues.

i'm tired

living life while anticipating death

In just a blink of an eye, we are now in the month of April 2019. I've noticed my thoughts of death and dying since last year. I really don't know how much time is allotted me and I realize that's not up to me to decide or plan.

However, I discovered a lesson in rather paradox perspective. As I anticipate death, I acknowledge that time is limited. I do feel a sense of urgency. Sometimes I wonder if this sense of urgency may be causing more stress than I need. How shall I balance motivation, drive and anxiety?

Due to my sense of limited time, I want to live a fruitful life. I life that I won't regret. Do I want to leave a legacy? Do I want to impact lives? And I do want to have deep, meaningful conversations and relationships.

Sometimes, I feel like I want to live my life as if today was my last, and that I will die tomorrow. Do I dare to live that life I want? My tomorrows may or may not be limited. Are there things that are holding me back? I realize i'm more adventurous now due to this mindset of wanting to live life to the full.

What are my values that I want to live by?