Of late, I've been thinking very much of this chronic invisible illness that I have. Sometimes, I get tired of hearing, "you look great!" which indicates that they think I'm well.
(The above scenario happens more often than I would like, and it is frustrating).
The thing is, these comments will then build up and it affects me as I would feel the need to step up and meet people's expectations - to be "NORMAL" again. I know this is my own personal issue that I need to work on... but I am aware that my sense of worth is tied to me being able to contribute to society. Although I know that I am always loved by God and will be invaluable to Him no matter what. This thought that I need to be of use is always lingering in my mind. Especially when I compare how things were before my surgeries, and my current condition.
But I was given this reminder today:
Don't feel guilty if you're too sick to do things. You have value simply because you are, even if you cannot be 'productive' in the way to which you were accustomed. Learn to cherish your very existence
I need to learn to accept and be comfortable with my current state. I need to focus on getting well and not killing myself with tasks in order to feel "worthy" of value. I'll be honest and say that it will take me some time to be convicted of this. And I know it will not happen overnight, but I guess it's a start?
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