Breathlessness has been my enemy the past few months. Began in November 2022 and its just been present ever since. I feel insecure without my ventolin inhaler. Rightly so, as I started having coughing fits once out of the blue when my wheezing became a lot more intense and I didn't have the inhaler with me.
My muscles and joints have been feeling weak and sore as well. Again, just living with pain constantly, though I try to not show the discomfort unless it's unbearable and I can't hide it anymore.
I got rather triggered last week when a friend responded that I "didn't look it", when I told her that my health has been sucky as usual but life goes on - which is true. It felt dismissive and invalidating. To which I just replied that I don't take pictures of me writhing in pain nor when I use my inhaler, and that my pain/discomfort tolerance is high.
and it hit me - Why did I feel like I had to prove that I'm telling the truth? Do people expect to see evidence of me in pain (i.e. look like death)? I guess that's just people's preconceived notions of how illness should look like.
For myself, it's recognizing my irritance but not letting me boil over. Giving myself time to feel frustrated but taking care not to hold on to it.
