Well, what broke me was when I could not push myself anymore to do that. To hide my flaws or keep a smile plastered on my face. My disease was really hurting me and bringing to light my limitations. I had to face my flaws upfront. And it was one of the most difficult things I ever had to do.
But as I journey on... I began to learn that I will never be perfect. I am just kidding myself. Only when I was honest with myself, that I was able to manage my depression and my expectation of myself. And now, as I reflect... courage is facing my flaws without avoiding it. And strength is accepting my limitations, and working with it without giving up.
I still am tempted to push myself too hard. Sometimes I do have the urge to prove my worth. But then I am reminded that it's OK to be me. I want to love myself now. Old Self was nice... but New Me is developing leaps and bounds. I feel New Me is learning to explore parts of Old Self that Old Self would never have wanted to look into because Old Self was comfortable.
So I feel New Me has discovered new characteristics which has made her stronger and more courageous. By being vulnerable and honest with herself. Thank you, New Me. Thank you for not giving up.
