It's been 3+ years since my surgeries... and there has been changes to my lifestyle. I have had to learn to let go of my workaholic ways... to slow down... to not multitask as my brain takes up more effort to filter out distractions and for me to concentrate on what is needed.. to be assertive with what I am comfortable with and to learn to say no.
It's been 3+ years... and I still get scolded by my parents who expect more out of me even though I have tried and tested my own boundaries.. I've pushed myself so hard in the past post-surgeries to return to "normal" that I ended up in the hospital because my body just couldn't take the strain of doing what I used to do.
I have learnt a very hard lesson last year as I came to terms with my limitations and now I know what I can do and what I can't. It's hard when my family thinks that I am using my limitations as an excuse to not meeting their expectations. I don't even ask for them to sacrifice anything to meet my needs.
I now work part-time.. and i choose to do my work in my room... and my family has a problem with it. They aren't accepting of the work-from-home and the work-in-the-room idea. I choose to do so because my parents... being retirees, spend a lot of time watching TV at the living area (where they are expecting me to work). This means I would have to take more time filtering out the noise and trying to pay attention to my work. Which is easily solved by me just working in my room. It's my preference. But i'm told that my preference indicates i'm spoilt and that i'm using it as excuse to be weak. And they compare me with others who can easily do their work in the midst of noise.
It is really hurtful when I hear these words... were they not there at the times I've pushed myself so hard that I ended up hurting myself and causing my recovery process to be stalled? It took a lot from me to be able to set proper limits to ensure that I did not abuse myself just to prove I am "normal". And now I am trying to engage in behaviors that preserve my health, not to please people. And unfortunately, my own family is not supportive and expects me to live the way THEY want me to. Even now, sometimes sometimes I also question myself if I'm slacking off.. and then I forget my limits and I would push myself to work harder/longer hours... and my body reacts to it - I end up struggling with awful migraines and my chest pains will return. And I remind myself that really, I have gone past my current ability and I try to slow down again or to rest.
sigh... this really sucks. I know I am still going to struggle with putting my foot down. I just wished my family knew living with this body is not easy for me either.
